


Can You See The Starlight Too?

by Skylarklady



Series: The Darker Side of Life [1]
Category: TharnType the Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:48:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23990302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylarklady/pseuds/Skylarklady
Summary: How do you overcome sadness?When life throws it's worst at Type, to the brink of madness, he is shown how to love again from an unlikely source.* Completed *
Relationships: Tharn Thara Kirigun/Type Thiwat Phawattakun
Series: The Darker Side of Life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088777
Comments: 6
Kudos: 88





	1. I Want To Take It Back

**Author's Note:**

> Something that came across as a thought the other day. You will either hate it or like it... It won't be a long story,.. probably 4 chapters in total.

Type was resting against the bookshelf, the library hall looking dim in the evening light. The tiredness was loaming over him, lack of sleep not helping at all. But the dream was still in his head. He couldn’t shake it. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing there, again. Looking down at the books spread around him, there were no answers to be found no matter how silly his dreams had been. The tightness in his chest wouldn’t go away. It was there, hard and painful. No matter how much he tapped against his heart, it was lingering there. 

  
“Type” A small voice called out in an echo, filling up the empty library. He could hear the footsteps approaching, there was no point hiding from whomever it was, he would been found either way. 

“Over here” Type called back out, half regretting it as he saw his friend Techno coming around the corner. 

“There you are! I’ve been looking every where for you. I was worried you had....”He stopped dead as he looked at all the books gathered around him. “Type..” His voice went quiet as he read the titles on the ground. 

Embarrassed, Type got up and started gathering the books up together.” It’s nothing.. It’ stupid..” He whispered, putting one of the books back onto the shelf in a hurry. He bent down to pick three more, knowing there was no point trying to hide it. He had been caught out, again. 

Techno stood still for a second before bending down to pick up a handful of books. “It’s been a year Type..” His voice was low and just almost a whisper. 

“I know”

“None is expecting you to get over it like that”

Type nodded quietly. “I know” He did. Everyone was walking around on eggshells around him, everyone too afraid to speak about it, too quick of making sure he was not to be blamed for the whole incident. Everyone asking him if he was ok, if he was coping fine with the whole thing. Everyone, always so nice and polite.

“But this?” Techno held up one of the books, raising one eyebrow as he glared at Type, half in anger and half in disbelief that his friend would sink so low to resort to these silly and stupid science fiction books. “Parallel Universes.” “Time travel”, “Changing the past” Come on man, this is....” He trailed off, trying not to sound harsh, and at the same time loss for words. “You’re better then this. I know what happened sucks, but you can’t keep being like this, doing stuff like this. 

Type felt the anger come back as Techno spat out useless words at him, each stabbing him a little more in the heart. “Sucks? You think this sucks? That this is silly?” He threw one of the book on the floor, feeling all those emotions flow over the brim. 

Backing away a little bit, Techno was regretting his choice of words. “You know I didn’t mean it like that dude.. But you have to move on from this. Sitting here, reading silly books, won’t change what happened. You need to get out of here, and out back into the real world. You are a smart guy Type, smarter then the rest of us. You know as well as I, that reading these stupid books will do nothing.”

They both avoiding it. The name, the event, the emotions and feelings.

“He’s dead Techno” Type’s voice cracked at the words, bringing reality back down. “Tharn’s dead and I killed him. “

Shaking his head, Techno walked slowly up to his friend, placing one hand on Type’s shoulder, making sure his friend could see the movements without backing off. “You did not kill him Type. He made his own stupid, ignorant choice. He choose a cowards way, all by himself. It is not your fault. Do you hear me? It is not your fault.” He squeezed the shorter mans shoulder, knowing all too well that the younger man would not allow him to be embraced in a hug. 

Type shook his head in defeat, tears now streaming down his face freely, doing all he could to keep the anger at bay, the sadness. He only had a small wall of sanity left, before the sorrow would drown him and swollow him up completely. “If I had been honest with him, about Lhong and everything, he wouldn’t have made those choices. He would still be here, ready to argue with me.. “

“This isn’t your fault Type..”

“I just want to fix it Techno. I just want to fix this that I have broken. I want to go back in time and just fix it. Why can’t I do that? Why?”

Techno sighted as he looked at his broken friend. No matter how many times they had this conversation, it never ended in any different way, and it always started the same way. Techno had tried to be the nice friend and comforting. He had tried to shift the blame on Tharn himself, and tried to rid off all the guilt Type was feeling. He had tried to just listen sometimes and just offer any support that he would, unconditionally. The result was always the same. At some point, after screaming and shouting, Type would break down in tears. He would look at his friend, and see all there was in him. The tears, the guilt, the sadness. The blame. Type would refuse to blame Tharn in any way. He would twist any words anyone said to him, and make sure everyone could try and see that this was all down to Type, and Techno would call on it. Every single time. He had hoped that time would have helped with getting passed Tharn’s death, but as the months had gone by, Type’s sorrow was turning into madness. He had thrown himself into books and theories. The boy who was number one in the whole school, was gathering books on silly theories and stupid realities. 

“Because he’s gone, Type. He’s gone” Techno whispered, as he watched his friend break down in front of him, as the words hit him one by one. 

“I had a dream you know. Tharn came and it felt so real. I could touch him, and kiss him. And he was there, and it was so real” Techno felt a lump in his throat as he looked at the younger man and could hear the despair in his voice. 

“It was just a dream, like all the other ones man. He can’t come back to you Type, he’s gone.” 

“I need him to come back Techno” The tears where flowing freely down Type’s face now, a small stream of them. He wasn’t hiding any emotions now, all of it flowing freely. “I need him to come back, so I can tell him that I love him. That I was stupid for letting him go, that I was wrong. And he was right. I just need him back”

Techno looked at his friend, trying to edge closer to see if Type would allow him to touch him. He reached out again, embracing him. “I know, I know” Type slummed into him, surrendering to the sorrow and to the words.

“Let’s get you back to your room” Techno hushed against his friend, knowing that this conversation was over with for now. Type was no longer in any shape to say any actual words as the sadness had taken over him competently, once again. Sighting once again, Techno threw one arm around Type, guiding him out of the narrow hallway, leaving the books and stupid theories behind them. 

***

Type slumped down on the bed, his whole body feeling numb and empty. Sighting, he looked down on his phone. The fingers automatically typing the same little phrases as they did every night. 

“Any news?”

A few minutes passed by before the screen lit up. 

“No, no changes today either. He is still asleep.”

The words shot through him, like they did ever day , killing that little light of hope. Type was hoping that maybe one day, just one day it would give something.

But the texts never changed.

He took his tie off slowly, the numbness filling him up completely. He watched as a little light flew through the opened window. It looked like a firefly, small, green, blinking in the night sky, like starlight. Puzzled, he looked as it landed on the other bed beside him. On the empty bed that had remained that way ever since the day Tharn had left it cold and neatly. None had dared to fill it’s place, and here was this little firefly, beaming as it rested against it’s pillows. Type felt the urge to go up and chase it away. It had no right to be there, not on that bed, not on his bed. 

The little light kept flickering, and Type found himself comforted by it and closed his eyes, sighting as sleep tried to lull him into a lullaby. 

Type could feel someone tapping him on his shoulder, gently. Digging deeper into the darkness, Type tried to hold onto it. He didn’t like waking up. It reminded him too much of everything. When he was sleeping, he didn’t have to think or feel, he didn’t have to anything. If he was lucky, sometimes Tharn would visit him in his dreams, and he could pretend that everything was okay. That Tharn was still there, and he could apologise and hug him, and kiss him. That for a small fraction, he could pretend and forget, everything. 

The tapping increased. Type groaned, trying to slap the hand away ” Go away!”

“Why?”

Type stiffened at the voice, a shivering going through his whole body. He shut his eyes tighter, hoping this was just another dream. He shook his head, pulling the cover over him, desperately trying to keep the voices out. He was truly really losing it now. 

“Why?” The voice asked again, this time coming forward , closer to the bed, once again tapping Type, bugging and nudging.

“Because you are not real. You are not here, and I am once again having one of those dream. Go away, please, just go.” 

“Why?”

Feeling the anger grow, with this ridiculous hallucination, Type threw the covers away, and glared at the person in front of him. He wasn’t surprised by his own head anymore. He was truly losing it, once again. “Tharn, please go away. Please just let me have once night of sleep where I am not dreaming of you. Just one night of peacefulness it all I ask, please, can’t you just give me that? He begged, looking up.

The man looked back at Type, smiling as he tilted his head, curiously. He leaned over the bed, a small smile on his face. “I’m not Tharn”

Sighting, Type took a shaking breath, one hand going up, shaking as he brushed his hair away. “Please” Type begged as he closed his eyes, feeling that lump in his throat again, as his heart was shattering again. “Please, I am begging you, just let me be. Just let me have some peace, somehow.”

“But I am not Tharn” The man leaned forward, one hand coming up, slightly touching Type’s cheek. “Why do you keep saying I am?” 

A small tear fell down as Type shivered at the touch, leaning away from him. “Please Tharn, don’t do this to me. I can’t take it anymore. I know you are not real but please stop doing this to me. Just stop”

Smiling the man leaned forward even closer. Type could feel his breath against his face, they were so close. “I am not Tharn” He whispered against Type’s ear as he leaned forward. Silence filled the room for a second. Type’s eyes were shut tight, in hope that whatever crazy dream this was, it would go away if he could just keep his eyes shut. He could still feel a breath against his face, a pair of hands coming up to touch him. A pair of lips brushed against him, slowly, like a light feather. Type shivered again, it felt so real. So familiar. 

“Please” Type’s voice cracked as he shook, emotions overflowing, sadness gripping onto him. His whole body was shaking against the presence in front of him.

“Please go away Tharn.”

“Why do you keep calling me that? I don’t have a name. Well not one that humans can say . Not yet anyway. I thought humans would grant me one, but that never happened so I just gave myself one for fun. Is this my new name? Tharn?”

Confused, and puzzled Type opened his eyes and looked at the man in front of him. He looked like Tharn, same fluffy hair, his soft eyes and plump lips. His body strong and lean, broad shoulders. He could see those tight muscles under his black shirt. But a neckless was dangling down. Tilting his head, Type reached out and touched it. Tharn never wore a neckless, not when he knew him and never when he had appeared in his dreams before. Shaking a bit, he pulled it closer to read. It was a little metal plate, a small weird inscription engraved onto it. 

“What does it say?” 

“My name” Tharn, but not Tharn replied back, still leaning into Type. 

“Am I dreaming?” Type whispered, suddenly afraid. “Who are you?”

“Not Tharn” The man replied. 

“Okay, I am getting that, but who are you then?”

“I don’t know if I should tell you.” The man leaned back a bit, edging way from Type. 

“Why are you here then?”

“To help you. To take your sadness and sorrow away.”

Type snorted, afraid his mind had completely gone by now. “And now did you plan to do that?” He asked, crossing his arms in disbelief.

“I am going to make you love me. The heavens have heard you prayers Type, and they have sent you me to show you how to love again.. I will show you loneliness and longing, I will show you eternity. I will show you the starlights, and when the time is right then maybe, just maybe I will grant you a miracle”


	2. You Taught Me What Love Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy?

  
Type was doing his absolute hardest to focus on the lecture taking place in front of him. He was trying to ignore the presence sitting next to him. It felt like the lesson was never going to end. The teachers was babbling away, but Type had no idea what the lecture was even about, he was just hoping whatever it was about would end soon. He need to get out of here. Hide, anywhere but here before he lost the small part of sanity he had left, which at this point wasn’t a lot. 

“Go away” He hissed low, trying to make sure none could hear it, trying his best to look as normal as possible.

“No” Tharn, but not Tharn grinned wide as he made himself comfortable to the seat next to Type. “I though I already explain it to you last night, besides, none of these people can see me anyway, so you can relax.”

“Relax? How am I suppose to relax in a situation like this?” Type hissed again, feeling the anger rise again. “I am convinced I have actually lost the plot now, gone completely insane . I keep seeing you, who is Tharn but not Tharn. Who I can see and touch and feel, but who isn’t actually here to anyone else but me.”

“Fun, isn’t it?” He grinned widely.

“No” Type shook his head furiously. “This isn’t fun. This is what happens when a person has a nervous break down, and begins to see things that simply aren’t there. This is where the term, having guilt eat away at you, comes from. When you start hallucinating up people, who simply aren’t there. ”

“Sometimes you have to go into madness, sometimes you have to lose your reality and everything around you in order to cure the insanity” Tharn but not Tharn said simply. 

Type rolled his eyes at the answer. “What, are you a poet now? Just go away, please, I am begging you” He was truly indeed. This had to stop, whatever this was. Type had reached his limit of what his own mind could coupe with, and this was not one of those things. This was simply too much. 

“No” The reply was so soft and simple. 

Type closed his eyes at the words. He had tried all night and all morning ever since waking up and finding this, Tharn but not Tharn, by his bed side. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the teacher finishing the lecture up, picking up her books neatly and placing them on her desk, an indication it was all nearly over. Grabbing onto the last string of sanity in his mind, Type made a run for it. He quickly shuffled his stuff together, and ran out of the classroom, hoping that Tharn but not Tharn, wouldn’t catch on to him, and maybe he could simply just run away from him.

Type ran, as quick as he could to the nearest safe haven he could thing off. The familiar doors of the library appeared at the corner of his eye, and he ran through the familiar silver doors and shut them as quick as he could. He quickly looked around for his hallucination, a massive sight of relief when it looked like he was the only one in the room. He quickly found his favourite spot, and slummed down into the silence. 

Type liked the library, for one reason and one reason only. It was one of the few places he and Tharn had never gone together. A rare place that held no memories for either of them. Type had never had to study hard to ace his classes, and he had never had the patience to tutor Tharn in it either. The library provided his head with a safe haven, away from memories and thoughts. It was always quiet and the books provided him with a small comfort of knowledge. He leaned against the bookshelf and sighted a sigh of relief, welcoming the silence like a comfort blanket against the world. 

***

“Type?” 

Type cracked an eye open at the sound of his name, slightly puzzled to have found himself asleep against a pile of book on the floor. It was oddly comfortable for such a large man. He looked up at Techno who was hovering over him. 

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” He exclaimed angry, the familiar frown across his for head. “Again” He added a bit sourly. This was a daily occurrence for both of them. 

“I feel asleep” Type said.

“Yeah I can see that”

“I’m sorry” Type said, feeling a bit embarrassed once again. They always did this. Techno would find Type and drag him out of whatever hiding place he had found for the day. Everyone put up with it, with the sadness and the grief from Type, because regardless of showing up for classes or not, Type still managed to stay on top of the whole class in grades. The school had suggested the time off, but he had declined it. As long as he aced everything, none could question him about anything else. “I can’t believe I feel asleep here” He mumbled quietly.

Techno didn’t say anything for a minute , and just looked down at his friend. He was half pondering of where today’s converstation would lead them, and he was half hesitant of doing it so early in the day. Usually he wouldn’t find Type until it was near the curfew.

“What sort of day is it today?” Techno asked silently as he sat down next to Type. 

Type ran a hand through his hair. They were doing this early today. “I think I am losing my mind Techno. I think I really am.

“Why?”

“Because I can see him now Techno. In broad daylight, and no matter what I say or do, he doesn’t go away. I’ve lost it” 

“That’s new” He replied, pondering the words of his friend. “When you say you can see him, what do you mean?”

“I mean that I can see him, as clear as I can see you Techno. I touched him, and it felt so real. The way he walked, and talked, it was just like Tharn. But he keeps saying he isn’t Tharn. That he looks like him, but he isn’t him. “ Type shook his head angrily, letting his head fall into his hands as he tried to rearrange his thoughts. 

“Type” Techno was at a loss for words. He didn’t know how to tackle this. Usually Type would blame himself and get sad. Other times he would scream at Tharn for being selfish, he would get mad and throwing things around. This, this was a whole new things. “What are you going to do about it?”

Type sighted, his head still leaning into his hands. “I don’t know” He muttered low. 

“Don’t avoid it”

“What?” Type looked up, and starred at his friend. 

“Whatever this is, don’t avoid it. Face it head on.”

“Why?” Type asked. 

“Because you have avoided everything else Type” Techno stated. “You avoided Tharn when he was alive, you avoided your feelings when you were together. When Lhong caused trouble, you avoided Tharn to help him. When he was gone, you avoided everything all together.”

“No I didn’t” Type protested, even thought he knew Techno was right.

“Yes you did” Techno argued back, not buying his friend’s crap tonight. “So I am telling you, whatever this is, whatever you head is trying to show you, no matter how insane it is, even if you think you have fallen into madness, don’t avoid it. Maybe you head is trying to help you heart mend, it it’s own way. Face it, listen to it, and let it erase the sadness you carry so deep in your heart“ 

Techno swallowed, knowing he was pushing buttons and pressing on nerves. Type didn’t reply back, seeming lost in his own thoughts at his friend words. Techno sighted and got up from the floor. He gave Type a small squeeze before leaving, trying to give him some comfort and let him try and figure his own thoughts out. 

***

Type could feel the tears streaming down his face. Tharn but not Tharn wouldn’t go away. He had come back from the library, and he had been there. Right there, on his bed, just waiting. He closed his eyes, hoping Tharn but not Tharn would go away. He didn’t. He could feel his presence , leaning next to him on the bed. It made the pain all more real, the hurt making his hear ache. A part of him wanted to reach out and hug him, and just pretend for a short moment. That this man, who looked like Tharn but who wasn’t Tharn, that this was real. That this man who was acting too much like Tharn, could maybe just for fraction, be Tharn.   
  
“Come on” His voice was soft as he whispered against Type’s ear. He was just so close to Type, fully knowing it too. It sent a shiver through his spine. So familiar. “It will help you, Type. It will help you move on. Just say it”

Type didn’t want to look up into those dark, soft eyes. “This is stupid.” He turned away from the warmth, from those eyes. It was still haunting. It was reminding him too much of everything. 

“But you loved me, right?” He wasn’t letting go, pushing and nudging on Type’s heartstrings. “You loved me otherwise you wouldn’t be acting like this. Come on, give it a go. Shout out me, scream at me, say the things you wanted to this whole year. Let it all out.” He was using that same tone, the soft one, the one that always made Type look up and give in. The one where Tharn used to tilt his head and smile and where, he always ended up winning against time. 

“You are not real” Type stated sourly. 

“Even better” 

Type hesitated for a moment, not wanting to speak those forbidden words out loud. Tharn, but not Tharn was leaning against the headboard, waiting silently, hands in his lap. He was simply just waiting for Type to speak those words, he knew they were there, gently tapping on the door, waiting to be heard out loud. 

“You will never know how much I loved you” Type whispered out silently, a small tear roll down his face as he carried on with a shaky voice and small words. “I never got a chance to say it. I was too busy to pretend I wasn’t gay, too busy with you ex’s running around you. Too busy to try and stop Lhong and be the bad guy. And now, now when you are gone, I am always thinking about. It never stops. You are in my head every minute of every day.’ Type swallowed away the tears, carrying on, now that the word were not stopping. 

“You taught me what love is. How a smile or a small gesture can make someone day. That kisses aren’t just kisses, feelings aren’t just there to be painful or make you feel nothing. You taught me the feeling of having someone wait for you when you get home. To come to kisses and hugs. To come home, to be home.“ Type whipped away a few more tears. They wouldn’t stop running down like a small river own his face.

“You taught me how to be brave. To face my fears and own up to my own mistakes. You did that. Every time I wanted to run away like a scared kid, you caught me and stopped me and made me face it head on. You used to grab my hand and tell me it was okay and always encouraged me no matter how stubborn I was acting.” Type was shaking now, letting go. 

“If I could, I would trade placed with you a thousands times over and over. I would go back and change everything.”

“Why?” Tharn but not Tharn whispered quiet. 

“So that I can tell you how much I love you, even if it was for a short time. So that we can both rest in peace. I haven’t sleep for a year now, my heart won’t stop aching, and all I want to do it go back in time, and just take all of it back. You don’t deserve this, not any of this”

“What about you Type?”

Type stopped in his thoughts, puzzled at the question being asked to him by this man. “What about me?”l

“You don’t deserve any of this either. The sadness in your heart. The sorrow taking over your entire existence.”

“I caused this” Type replied silently. “So I do deserve this. This is my punishment, my sentence. I deserve to feel this pain, to carry the guilt. If I hadn’t been so selfish and impulsive, like I always am, none of this would have happened. Tharn would still be here, and we would still be together, because I would fight for it. So I will continue carry on this on my conscience.”

Tharn, but not Tharn paused for moment. “What if that wasn’t true?” He asked, looking down at Type. “What if I can show you that you didn’t in fact cause any of this, and that you shouldn’t be carrying all of this on your shoulders, alone?”

Type froze at the words. ”What do you mean?”

Sighting, and reflection on his choice, Tharn but not Tharn reached his hand out towards Type. “Let me show you.

Type looked down on the strangers hands, hesitating. it was slightly glowing, a little bit like the same green light like the firefly that had flown into his bedroom last night . 

“Don’t be scared. This will be my first gift to you. My first gift to anyone. Let me show you” 


	3. Sometimes You Got To Lose Somebody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!!
> 
> Sorry for the long wait but life caught up with me. Hoping to update You are the reason within the next day's too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrapped this up sooner then I indeeded but it was never meant to be a long story anyway.

Type felt his whole body shaking as he realized just where he had been dragged. The grey, slightly mixed with white walls, the dark curtains showing the moonlight and the starlight through the tiny little window. The room that smelled of too much cleanliness, of death and life. The bed in the middle of the room, making it’s its presence known all to well. He wanted to run, to escape this reality that he had been avoiding for the last year. Type avoided looking at the bed, knowing all to well why they were here.

  
“Go on” Tharn but not Tharn, encouraged softly as he squeezed Type’s hand, trying to give him the courage to take those last final steps through the room and face his sorrow and guilt. To face the harsh reality and to see the small light of hope trying to shine its way through the room. 

Type shook his head furiously , trying to hold back the wet tears threatening to escape down his face. He would feel it if took another step, that little tug on his conscience , the tug on his heartstring. “No” He whispered, backing away from the bed slowly. “We are not doing this. Not this, not him, not here, not ever. Not this. This is what you wanted to show me? This? No. We are not doing it. I am not playing this make believe game with my own head anymore. ” He could feel his body rejecting every emotion that was threathening to spill over, like a massive flood. If it broke free, so would he. He would break down in the room right there and then, and he wasn’t entirely sure that he would be able to survive it if he did. 

“You have to do this Type” The voice was firm, filled with encouragement.

“No I don’t” Type’s voice cracked as he kept shaking his head, in full denial, trying to hold on to the last string of sanity in his head. He had managed for the last year, to pretended that this wasn’t the actual reality, because the lies he had made up in his head were nicer then this. Nicer then the reality in front of him. The reality of seeing Tharn hooked up to a million cables, seeing the machines helping him breath, keeping his heart beating against his own will. 

“Just take his hand. That’s all you have to do. Then both of you can have peace. You can finally let him go, set him free” Tharn but not Tharn whispered. 

“He’s already gone” That was the lie he had been telling himself all year. It was easier to say it like that. Easier to pretend that he was already gone, then to sit by his bedside everyday, seeing the doctors fighting to keep his heart beating against Tharn’s own will. He still knew if Tharn had a say in it, he would have been allowed to find his peace a long time ago. But Type was only his boyfriend, and in the eyes of Tharn’s parents, he wasn’t even that. He was the cause of Tharn’s pain. The cause of all this, of everything. Of the accident, of the note. All of it. He had no right to be in this room.

The other man sighted heavily at Type’s word. The stubbornness wasn’t giving in, nor was denial. “No he isn’t Type. Not truly gone, not just yet.”

Type snorted at the reply, feeling the anger build up. This man, this person who wasn’t even truly alive had no right to question Type’s own thoughts or feeling. He still wasn’t sure if he had truly gone mad and this was all some weird hallucination his head was making up to get ride of the guilt and the blame. “Then what is he, huh?” He scoffed back. “If he isn’t dead, what is he? Look at him.” He shouted angrily, gesturing to the motionless Tharn, still with his back turned away from the bed. 

“He’s simply asleep” The reply was soft and sounded so simple, so easy to believe. It looked liked it. Nothing looked out of place. Type didn’t want to look at the face lying on the bed. He knew it would look the same as the person standing next to him. He knew other people had continued to do what he had failed. They would have looked after him, made sure he continued to look as handsome had he always had. 

“Then why doesn’t he just wake up?” Type voice cracked and he found himself shifting closer to the bed without meaning too. “If he’s just asleep, why isn’t he waking him? Why does he keep lying there sleeping?”

“Because he is waiting for you to forgive him Type. He is waiting for you to come and grab his hand and tell him everything is okay, and that you truly know what happened that night. That he didn’t mean to kill himself, that someone else caused it, that this was never his intention.”

Type didn’t want to listen to this nonsense. It didn’t make sense, any of it. Perhaps he had truly lost his own mind now, as his own heart was trying to comfort itself in order to avoid the truth and the harsher reality that was trying to make itself known, instead of all this pretending. Making this up in his own head in order to comfort himself. “We are stopping this now. This mind game, this, whatever the hell this is, we are stopping it now. We are done.” Type turned around, feeling the sadness overtake, feeling the anger burn, all of threatening explode. 

“Did you actually look around the room?” The question was a simple one but it made Type stop in his tracks as his hand was resting on the door handle . 

“What do you mean?” He asked, hesitating. One more step and he would be out of the room, no reason to look back. 

“Did you look around the room?”

Feeling agitated and silly, Type pondered if it would be just easier to run out of the room and not look back. But if his own head was trying to tell him something, this was an odd question to ask oneself. Against his own sane judgement, Type sighted and turned back around. He threw a small glance at Tharn who wasn’t Tharn. He was standing there with is arms behind his back, waiting patently. Type knew that look. All to well. Shaking his head, he quickly glanced around, letting his eyes take in everything apart from the direction of the bed itself. He wasn’t going there, he wasn’t going to break the flood threatening to flow over. He already knew what Tharn would be looking like and the imagines in his head from that day hadn’t gone. He knew what he would look like with all those tubes in him still. The few fractions of those memories had never really gone away, so getting a reminder wasn’t needed. So instead he looked around the room. He noticed it was clean, well looked after. But of course it would have been, because no matter what Tharn’s own family would have seen to it. They could never let their son truly go, and they had been quick to blame Type themselves after the accident. 

He still remembered the harsh and ugly words thrown at him that they when they all got the phone call, even Type had been included. He still reckoned it was so they could see him face to face and put all the blame on him, rightly so though. He played a part in this, in one way or another, no matter how much that thought itself unsettled him. He had embraced that fact, accepted it.

“This is stupid” Type muttered as he crossed his arms.

“Come on. Stop being so stubborn and scared for just a second and just look at him Type”

“No”

“Why?”

“Because it will hurt” Type gritted his teeth, and could feel his nails digging into the palm of his hands. 

“Why is that a bad thing? What if it will stop hurting if you just embrace it? What if you can find peace by allowing the hurt to come?”

Type shook his head. “It doesn’t work that way” He stated simply.

“But running away does?” Tharn but not Tharn questioned, raising an eyebrow as he glanced at Type. 

“It’s easier”

“Is it? It doesn’t look like it from where I am standing. It doesn’t look like it from what I have seen from the past few days. I can see your pain, your sadness,

your heartache. If anything, you look more dead then the person that’s currently lying on this bed. “ 

“Good” Type bit back. 

“Good?”

“Yes” He grunted. “I shouldn’t be all happy and all this, while he is lying here like this. It should be me lying here and not him. It’s all wrong. All of it.”

The room went quiet for a fraction of a moment. All that could be heard was the noise of the machines, indicating that Tharn’s heart was still beating and still breathing. Perhaps not on his own, but it was a sign somewhere, there was still a spark of life. 

“I don’t know what I am doing here, but whatever this is, we are done” Type said firmly as he turned around again to head for the door. 

“I didn’t drag you all the way here for you to run away” 

Type scoffed. “Then why did you?”

“To show you the truth. If you hadn’t been so stubborn all along, you would have found out sooner.”

Type sighted at the words, suddenly feeling tired. “You keep saying that. But there is nothing here to be found”

Tharn but not Tharn crossed his arms as he tiled his head and looked at Type. “Look behind the picture frame” He said confident and cocky. “The one with Tharn playing the drums.” 

Type hesitated, feeling like he had truly gone insane, but another small part of him was telling him to just do this one little crazy thing for the last time. If he had truly lost his mind, this small little action would make no difference to his mental wellbeing. Perhaps all of this was some horrible nightmare in the end, and once he had indulged in all the silliness, he would simply wake up and move on from all of this. 

“Just do it” Tharn but not Tharn was getting a little impatient.

Type knew which photo he was referring to. It was the one he had taken the first time he had seen Tharn play in the bar, where you could see the love and passion shining over his face. The picture where Tharn looked at his happiest, along with his band mates. He was very careful to make sure his eyes didn’t wander towards the actual bed as he picked the picture frame up, carefully bending the little metal bits at the back to take the picture up. Surprised , a small note fell dropped to the floor as Type clumsy removed the frame. Frowning, Type bend down to pick the note up. Swallowing, he folded it up. The handwriting

was long but tidy. 

_Tharn._

_Once again, I am the coward. Once again, I hurt you. All though this time, I cannot take any of it back. I can’t take back anything that happened that night. The cliff._

_The argument._

_Once again, I am sorry. Once again, I am begging for forgiveness that I know won’t come. Because I did this to you. It’s my fault you are lying on this bed, because once again I couldn’t control my anger or jealousy._

_You should have been mine from the very start. Why couldn’t you see that I loved you the second you shook my hand? Why couldn’t you see the way I always tried to protect you, and your heart from ache? Why couldn’t you just accept my love?_

_Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be Type, of all people that made you change?_

_I know you better then anyone. I know, know you._

_So why wasn’t it me?_

_I wanted to be loyal._

_I wanted to be brave._

_But all I am is too scared once again._

_All I can give you is the truth, which won’t do you much good with you lying here. I can’t even say this to your face. I am cowering, like the coward I truly am._

_Type was loyal, brave and true._

_He found you and me at bottom of that cliff, and he looked at me, and I knew we both knew. But he took the blame, and the pain. He took it all, and hid away and let me be. We never spoke about it, we never mentioned it, but I know he knew what I did to you. Or perhaps he simply doesn’t believe I was cable of what I did to you when I pushed you off that cliff._

_But I did._

_Yet here I am, begging for forgiveness that won’t come._

_Begging you to wake up so that I can at least live._

_I am even such a coward that I am hiding this letter from everyone. I hope Type finds it, so he can find me and give me the punishment I deserve. I hope he runs out of the room, and punches some sense into me. I know what I did was wrong, but I love you and I always will._

_I hope that one day when you wake up, you will find it in your heart to forgive me._

_I am sorry._

_Llhong._

The letter dropped to the floor, the words and confessions flowing over Type’s mind.

Type stared at the windows, Tharn but not Tharn wasn’t there in front of him anymore. As quickly as his presence had come, it was gone. There was a little firefly was though, flapping its small wings as it tried to find a little crack though the small windows. A sense of guilt washed over Type and he reached out and opened the window, the cold night breeze welcoming. It flapped its little wings and he watched it as it flew higher and higher up into the night sky and it looked as it simply flew into the stars and vanished. The sky was clear, and the starlight was casting it’s shine over the dark room. Type turned around and looked at the bed, his heart breaking at the sight in front of him. Sometimes you have to lose somebody to know, to know if you loved or hated them. If they had an impact in your life, if you will miss them or simply grow to hate them for leaving you behind.

Silence broke away as faint word escaped into the dark and quiet room. The word was only a small whisper as it filled the room, but it cracked and healed Type’s heart at the same time. One small little tiny word. His name. It echoed through the room. It felt like he hadn’t heard it such a long time, and it felt like a new wound. One he wasn’t sure he could heal, but the word carried with it a promise. That maybe all could be okay.

He glanced at the bed, inching slower and a hand went up to gently stroke Tharn’s hair. It was soft and silky as it had ever been. This was real, this moment. He wasn’t sure if he had heard it or not, his name being called out as a small answer to all of his prayers, with a promise. He wasn’t sure of anything anymore, but he knew he was where he belonged, and he wasn’t letting his heart tell him otherwise, no matter how cracked and broken it now was. Maybe some wounds would be healed, others would not. 

“Can you see the starlight too?” 

The words were faint, whispered out into the room. The kindest whisper as cruel as it filled the heart with hope and tugged at heartstrings, at broken promises and futures unknown. 

\- The End -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is the end!
> 
> I left the ending open.


End file.
